I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
