im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
