"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
