i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
