Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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