The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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