Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
