Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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