"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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