just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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