GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
