Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
