Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize