My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
