So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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