i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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