be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
