I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
