I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
