Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
