i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
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