dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
he puts the penis in happiness.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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