1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
