would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize