Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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