I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
