I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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