I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
