i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
