Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
