the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
