Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
