apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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