if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
