That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
