I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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