Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Randomize