I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
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