I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
