[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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