Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You can't just leave with hair like that
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Dick very happy bro
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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