She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
We left the knife in your bed.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
