At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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