She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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