Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
