Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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