This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
It's rum buckets o'clock
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
