That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
