Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Can Purell be used as lube?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I have tasted many bathrooms
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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