i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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