I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
