We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
