you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
