A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
