so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
