One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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