I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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