I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
