i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
