Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
