My underwear smells like fireworks.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
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