Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
