....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
