happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
When did angry sex become our thing?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize