I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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