Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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