On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
