1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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